( JOYCE, a nervous inventor presenting her idea to investors) Look, I gotta run.īut before I go, I just want to say that I hope all the guys who are sitting here tonight with a girl named Heidi, wake up tomorrow morning with a Desiree. I sort of like being called Scotty, besides it’s better than my middle name – Doug. Right before middle age sets in, Cindys become Harriet, or Beatrice, they have that option.Īll Wendy’s die at puberty. It sounds like she should be chewing gum and skipping rope. Have you ever met a seventy year old woman named Judy? If I had been called Judy, I’d have to change my name when I stopped wearing bangs. You’ve never heard of a child being called Yvonne, have you? Then one day, probably on their 21st birthday- wham- Veronica, Yvonne, Desiree. They skip their way into high school, getting A’s in Home Ec. They all wear pink dirndls with little white aprons. How many grown women do you know named Heidi? All the Heidis I know are about 8 years old with long blond braids down their backs. Oh, by the way, the part about all Heidis having to change their names when they lose their virginity, I didn’t lie about that. Would you have? There’s a Heidi nodding her head. They tried calling me Judy for a while but I just wouldn’t respond. My father just stared, “he can’t be my boy.” I was in stitches. In fact, I was a boy until my mother changed my diapers for the first time. You see, when I was born the doctor was either far-sighted or a prankster, because as I popped out, I remember it vividly, he declared “it’s a boy.” Am I embarrassed or what? Actually, I lied to you. Look at these girls over here all rustling through their programs. Everyone named Heidi must change their name when they lose their virginity. I know what you’re all thinking… How come she has a boy’s name? Actually my real name is Heidi.īut I had to change it when I lost my virginity. ALL KIDDING ASIDEĪ monologue from the play by Charles Johnson You’re A Good Man, Charlie Brown 20 Super Funny Comedic Monologues For Teenage Females From Plays 1. Puffs, Or Seven Increasingly Eventful Years At A Certain School Of Magic And Magic Dog Sees God: Confessions of a Teenage Blockhead
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